Monday, August 21

Paris Hilton Nude Sex Blond Naked Tape Video Oral Nightvision

Random Celeb Photo Caption Attack!

"Check out my new album. It's called I Triple Dog Dare You To Be A Bigger Whore."

Ask Brian AnYtHiNg!
So, a female fan (read, doomed innocent) made the mistake of contacting me through MySpace today. It took zero time to make her my fantasy girlfriend of the day. And by that I don't mean anything gross. She just became the girl I thought of anytime I felt like getting jealous and irrational. I though about her all day.

She happened to also ask me a very random question. In the process of answering I realized there's nothing I enjoy more in this world than answering random questions. That's the truth. I love many things:

tacos, bourbon, reese's pieces, the Mexican War, gaycancer.com

But there is apparently - or at least not after today - nothing I heart more than random Q&A. I say all of that to say this. Please write me with your random questions and I will answer them. Much like what happened today with my new MySpace chum (4 life!):

Kathy's Question:
How do you feel about capes?

Brian's Answer:
Capes are important because without them, people like Superman and Batman would just be weird guys in tights. Also, judges wear capes. So I guess what I'm saying is capes are important for the added sense of legitimacy they bring to everything a cape-wearer does.

A good example of this is how I always wear a cape when I park outside my ex-girlfriend's house.

Blog Self Critique:
Brian's done nothing for a week straight. Still, he thought his off the cuff joke in reply to the MySpace girl was pretty clever, spur of the moment shit. What'd you think? Just regular, plain old shit, huh?
Brian's rating: 2.444444449/11 Should Would Couldas.

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6 Comments:

Anonymous lantabee said...

You neglected to discuss how capes do add an air of mystery and machismo to the wearer, a la The Hamburgler. That being said, why do you think rollarskating (as sport or creative expression) has fallen out of fashion and do you think we can expect a resurgence any time soon?

1:21 PM, August 22, 2006  
Anonymous Patrick said...

I have a question! Why are you so damn lazy you can't make Teh Funney for me with a parody of Bree and Daniel on YouTube? MAKE TEH FUNNEY!

6:16 PM, August 22, 2006  
Blogger Brian said...

I am in fact not lazy. I have to unfortunately work in my spare time to make money. This work, unfortunately for you, does not involve videos of Lonelygirl15. Unfortunately for me, it involves bringing total strangers mayonnaise.

Also, videos are contingent upon the cooperation and charity of my best friend and roommate, Denny. He is often too busy to help me. Yes, I've offered to pay him.

b

8:47 PM, August 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe what Denny wants is for you to put mayonaise on him. Maybe you can put video of said mayonaisse spreading on YouTube.

That is all.

9:52 PM, August 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

uhm, i'm in love with you.

4:31 AM, August 23, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ummm, helloooo? Judges wear ROBES. And Batman's cape is NOT for validating his vigilanteism, it's to A) swoop down from rooftops onto unsuspecting crooks B) confuse crooks and evildoers by distorting his shape and anatomy, so that they are never sure how big he really is or where to shoot (him) C) look fucking cool D) It's bulletproof. And Batman doesn't have relationship problems because he sublimates all of his sexual energy into fighting crime, so he'd never have to use his cape to stalk his ex.

12:38 PM, September 12, 2006  

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